The Fantasical Thoughts of a 5'7"ish woman

WITH Jesus

2009-12-13T15:57:00.000-08:00

I was reflecting the other day on the beginning of Luke when the angel appears to Mary and tells her that she is going to become pregnant with the Savior of the world. This news is sure to change her life completely. Not once does Mary object or seem dismayed or do anything except submit. Yes, she has a few obvious questions, but her response is to reply with complete submission, knowing that God is the one in control and He will get His will done.

The part that really stuck out to me though was what the angle told her about how she would become pregnant. Yes, he says the Holy Spirit will overshadow her and also lets her know that her very aging cousin Elizabeth has miraculously become pregnant. And then follows it up by saying, "For nothing will be impossible with God." (Luke 1:37). Something that I think God kind of made jump out at me was that is says with God, not For God. Many already know that God has complete control and that everything is possible for Him. But here it says that nothing is impossible WITH Him. Now perhaps I am reading too much into this, but I actually find this really significant. In the one word "with" we see that God, who has nothing impossible for Him, says to us (who have so many limitations), that With Him, nothing will be impossible. Yes, when we try on our own, we have limitations galore. But when we walk with Him and are seeking Him and His will, there are no impossibilities. Yes, there will be things that our flesh wants to do that God will not allow to happen, but with Him, He can make anything happen. He invites us to travel with Him in this journey called life.

So our lives do contain mountains and valleys. Sometimes there are times when we feel we will never reach the top of the mountain, and it can get discouraging at times. But what we need to realize, is that nothing absolutely nothing is impossible when we are walking with our Savior and LORD, Jesus Christ. Also, we can be assured that He IS with us.

Another thing I think is really cool about this is that sometimes what seems impossible to me is getting rid of habits that are not healthy but that I slip into from time to time. I often instead of trusting God to begin with, find myself worrying instead. And some people know this about me and perhaps now just come to expect it of me. But the thing is, even though it seems kind of impossible for me to change that about myself to change myself into someone who rather trusts God first, with God, it is POSSIBLE to change that. With Him, not by myself. It is also really neat that even though I some might label me as a "worrier", in Jesus, I am confident. In my lack of confidence, He IS Confidence. In whatever it is that you are lacking right now, don't remain in it. Know today that with Jesus, everything is possible. On your own you lack a lot, but with Jesus, you have everything. Lets know this today. Know that he is with us. Know that not only is everything possible FOR God, but for us, everything is possible when we are walking WITH Him.

Beloved

2009-11-25T17:59:00.001-08:00

So I've been going over some things that God's been trying to get through to me my whole life. Last year was very significant for this. The fact is that Jesus loves me (and you too whoever reads this). He LOVES me. He LOVES you. This is something that is so simple, yet so utterly significant in how we live each and every day. I've often had a distorted view of God. I've had the thought in my mind so many times; What if I'm the one exception to Jesus' love? It actually is a question that I've had cross my mind every so often for many years. And I used to think that I was the only one who had ever had that doubt too. Last year, Jesus really showed me that He loved me. He brought me through a storm and He brought me to a place where I not only felt loved by Him, but I also saw His control in my life and His presence in my life in such a real way and it was awesome!

Jesus loved each and every one of us SO much that He took nails in His wrists, nails in His feet, thick thorns stuck into His head and endured this until His last breath. He did that for YOU and He's done it for me. And also, He rose from the dead too!! Jesus beat death. He is the victor over death! So what I've been thinking is that if one thinks they are the exception to Christ's blood, they are kind of saying that they don't believe Jesus' blood is powerful enough to save them. They don't believe that His blood was enough. And this is incredibly false. If anyone is reading this and thinks that Jesus Christ does not love them, think again! Jesus loves you! His blood is enough. He desires us to realize this love that He has for us; that He proved to us. He wants us to run to Him with absolutely everything. He wants us to walk in Him. He loves us and this love doesn't dwindle. It lasts forever! May we believe this friends! May we believe, truly believe that He loves us today! May we see this for real, and may we seek His face!

There is a chorus I learned at Capernwray last year that was written by a student at Capernwray. It was very significant for me and still is. Sometimes even when I listen to it, I get tears in my eyes. The tune really is so great, but I hope Jesus encourages your heart with these words to see how very real His love is.

"I love you
Nothing will ever change my mind.
You are mine.

I love you
would you let it sink into your heart this time?
You are mine
You are mine."

Romans 8: 35-39 "Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written,
'For Your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered sheep to be slaughtered.'
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Praise Him name!

Now I will get back to studying. Press on to KNOW Him!

Desert Song

2009-09-10T12:47:00.000-07:00

So, a very good friend of mine just played me this song, and now its been in my head a lot the last few days. Here are the lyrics and if I figure out how to post a link to the song I will, but I'm kind of doubting my computer skills at this moment in time.

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Bridge:
All of my lifeIn every season
You are still GodI have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

So I don't know if it was obvious what my favorite line of the song is, but right now its, "no weapon formed against me shall remain". Something that God has been teaching me, a lot this past year but now too, is that I am free from the worries and thoughts that have held me back from seeing Him in the past. There are things that I am tempted to again sometimes make me feel trapped, but the thing is, Christ has made me free and so I am free indeed! (Gal. 5:1 and theres another verse that I love but can't think of right now.) But the point is, Jesus makes us free, so again and again we need to lay aside our worries and the things we let hold us back. We to lay them at His feet and continue to have faith that He keeps them there and He has the victory in our lives as well as in this entire universe!! So lets bring our praise to Him!!

Its Reality Time

2009-07-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, so God really brought me to working in the inner city this summer. So far it has been amazing! I worked one week as a cabin leader for the overnight camp and now this past week has been our first week of day camp. So far this summer, it has been an adventure to say the least! I have been challenged with how I view prayer a lot. During these weeks (especially at the overnight camp) I've been put in some hard and stressful situations. So God has been teaching me so much abouot what it means to depend on Him, like for real, depend on Him for absolutely everything. And part of that everything is these situations that seem impossible to deal with. There have been quite a few times where I've prayed something that I really actually don't know if God will say "yes" to. But He has shown immediate answers which He used to teach me something really cool. I think I often have viewed my prayers as things that God will answer either long term or not at all. And that very well could be. But that doesn't mean we should expect that it won't happen right aways. We need to be praying in expectation that He is working and He will get His will done. Also, a wise friend of mine also said, don't forget that "no" is also an answer. So that is something I've been keeping in mind too. I just have felt so blessed. If you want to hear an awesome story about God answering some crazy prayers, please ask me. To get your interest, some ways God has answered prayers for me is by:

-providing a turtle (thus restoring a friendship)
-finding a small earring in a large pool
-letting a kid and I get lost in the zoo (yes, you read that right)
-providing back up plan after back up plan
-a late night prayer time with a whole bunch of 8-12 yr old girls!
-etc. please ask me for the stories! God is so cool!!!

As for other things, I am the counselor coordinator for day camps. So I am responsible for finding the counselors, checking their references and then encouraging them and helping them when they are at camp. This is so cool! I especially like the encouraging part because in the mornings, I get to lead a devotion and this is a really important time for me. I love leading devotions because it makes it really neat during my time of reading God's word to ask Jesus, what He wants me to share with the group. One thing I talked about is one of the stories that I wrote about earlier in my study project. In Luke 8 it talks about the demon possessed man who was naked and living in the tombs before he met Jesus. After He met Jesus, It says he was sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind. There is so much symbolism in that story. This man passed from death to life in a dramatic way when He met Jesus. So I talked about how I liked this story and the symbolism but then it was really cool, because I hadn't really thought about what else I would say except that Jesus is powerful. But then I hear myself saying, and I think its so important to keep on reflecting and going back to what Jesus is doing in your lives and what He has done. I talked about how we want to proclaim Jesus but to do this right we need to be real. We need to constantly be going to Him and remembering what He has done and identifying what He is doing right now. Because powerful testimony of Jesus in you is only found by Jesus Himself if that makes sense. Like, we can't produce a powerful testimony without Him. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. So I don't know, it was just really cool how God just gave me words to say and I need to keep going back to Him for these ideas. Its really neat. We always need to realize how dependent we are on Jesus! He is Life!

Hmm.. I thought I'd end off with a story about testimonies and sharing them that I heard from a speaker at school this year (so this is not my own material). This is a story to encourage you that when God wants you to share the testimony of Him in your life, and you are obediant to share, He will use your story even if you feel like it doesn't say much. He can use whatever He wants to break into peoples hearts. So hear it is, I hope I don't butcher it too much:

There was a youth group going on a missions trip to another country (I believe). While they were there, they went to this rehabilitation centre (I believe) and they talked with people there who had had some amazingly rough experiences in life from drug addictions to sex addictions and so on and so forth. The youth pastor told this one girl in the group that he wanted her to share her testimony with this group of people. However, she was from a family that went to church every sunday since she was a baby and so she could not see any way her small little story would be able to say anything to these people. So she told her youth pastor this very thing. She said, "I don't have anything to say to tehse people that would matter to them." But her youth pastor insisted that she needed to share her testimony. So the time came for her to do so.

She got up to the front and shared with this group of people her testimony; of how she grew up with loving parents. Of how she went to church her whole life. Of how she had followed the rules of her parents while growing up. She said things how they had happened and for her, what she had said seemed so insignificant. But she looked up to see the reaction of the group. When she did, she realized the whole room was crying and in tears at what she had said. They said, they were amazed at how God could keep someone so innocent.

This girls testimony of what Jesus had done in her life was straight forward. But God used it to reveal Himself to this group of people. I encourage us to press on to know Christ. To seek Him first in everything we do during the day. Jesus is our Life and He is so very real. Lets let Him be real in us. He loves revealing Himself so let us be open to Him using us!! Believe that He will.

We really need Jesus

2009-06-27T19:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I look at parts of our world and the only feeling I get is one of my heart breaking. Sometimes I look at parts of our world and the only thought I get is "Why?"
I will now go on to say a bit more about these first two ideas. Not to worry, this was only my captivating intro...

So I work in a part of town where I see people that look broken. This last year I feel like I do know in part some of what it means to be broken. I know that God often brings people to a place of brokenness so that we see how completely dependent we are on Him and nothing besides Him. Yes, this year I feel like God brought me to a place where I had to deal with some things that weren't fun to deal with but He showed me so much more of His heart through that which was awesome.

But then there are times where I see people and I think, "How could I even think I know what its like to be broken?" What's really on my heart now are the women who don't know any other way of life than waiting on the streets to be picked up by some man. It breaks my heart that they are there and it makes me angry that there are people who think that that is a fine way of treating another person. I don't understand why this has to be in our world, yet I can't ignore it either. I want people to see how valuable they are to Jesus. I want people to see how much they are loved. I want people to not hurt. And then there are other people that I want God to slap in the face and show them that they need to change! That they are to treat people with respect.

I want women to see that they are not objects made to be used. But this is a vicious cycle in our society. Women are being objectified in pretty much every commercial and in so many movies. Its starting to just become the mindset of so many girls that this is how they are to dress and this is how they are to act. And it becomes the mindset of boys that this is how they are to treat girls and this is how they can live. But it needs to change. This isn't how God wants the world to be. I want people to know that they are precious to their maker who loves them so unconditionally.

And then I wonder where I come in? Why was I born to parents that loved me and brought me up in a family that loves Jesus? Why do I have privilages that so much of our world doesn't have?

I don't have answers to these questions. But what I do have is the knowledge that Jesus knows what is on my heart. He also knows what is happening and I now that it breaks His heart even more than mine. I know that He is coming back and I know that He will make things right. I know there is hope and I know it is found in Jesus Christ alone. Also, I know that He wants to work through us and that He sometimes breaks our hearts for what breaks His for the reason that He wants to do something about it through us. So I want to be open to Him continuing to lead me in what I can do. For now I will continue to seek His face. Because He knows whats going on and He is where my hope is ground. The only one that has the right to rule is Jesus! And there is hope in His name! Praise God that there is hope.

"My Hope is Built on Nothing Less"
by Edward Mote, 1797-1874

1. My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

3. His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Jehovah Study Project: Part 3

2009-06-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

Luke 8: 26 - 39 v. 26-27, 29 "Then they sailed to the country of the Gerasenes, which is opposite Galilee. And when He came out onto the land, He was met by a man from the city who was posessed with demons; and who ahd not put on any clothing for a long time, and was not living in a house but in the tombs... For He had commanded the unclean spirit to come out of the man. For it had seized him many times; and he was bound with chains and shackles and kept under guard, and yet he would break his bonds and be driven by the deom into the desert."

v. 35, 38-39 "The people went out to see what had happened; and they came to Jesus, and found the man from whom the demons had gone out, sitting down at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind; and they became frightened... But the man from whom the demons had gone out was begging Him that he might accompany Him; but He sent him away, saying, 'Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you.' So he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him."

This is the story of when Jesus and His disciples sailed to the land of the Gerasenes ( I encourage you to read the whole thing. I love this story!). When they get off the boat, the man with many demons, wearing no clothes and who has been running around the tombs comes up to Him. He has been "living" among the dead. I think the idea of him being naked and being around dead people just really demonstrates how this man has no life in him and has been stripped of everything good. Also, the demon would drive him into the desert which again shows how his life is a wasteland or as Anne of Green Gables would say, "a perfect graveyard of buried hopes." I personally would be completely freaked out if this kind of man was coming up to me. Actually, even if he wasn't approaching me I'd still be frightened out of my mind. When Jesus commands the demons out of him, they cry out for him to rather send them into the pigs. As you know, when Jesus lets them, the whole herd of pigs goes off the cliff and drowns in the lake. This news all got around and everyone obviously wanted to see what had happened. I love how in v. 35, we see how the man who had the demons cast out is now sitting at Jesus' feet, clothed and in his right mind. This is so cool!

One, he's sitting at the feet of Jesus. This is often showing physically how people are higher and lower than each other in reputation. In Luke 7:38, the woman falls at Jesus' feet crying and perfuming His feet, this is another picture of what it means to sit at someone's feet. This man immediately shows that he knows Jesus' place and His right to rule. This man knew Jesus was His Savior.

Two, he's clothed and an added bonus, he's in his right mind. So I'm guessing he's not taking anymore vacations to the desert. I think clothing on him really vividly shows he now has life symbolically too. When we are baptized into Christ, we are now clothed with Christ (Gal. 3:27). I think its amazing the contrast here of light and darkness and Life and death. Jesus has given this man life. He now has peace with God (Rom. 5:1) and this must have been such a great feeling of release for him! No wonder he wanted to go with Jesus. Jesus is Life and He has given Himself for this man, so this guy now has abundant life. So when Jesus told him to tell his house about what Jesus had done for him, no wonder he instead spread it through the entire city!

I think we see here how being a witness of Jesus' life is so important. We need to allow people to see this difference in our lives too; the contrast between life we have now and the darkness we were in before. We need to be real, this man didn't pretend nothing had every been wrong with him, he spread the truth about Jesus' Life. Jesus transforms lives by becoming Life and this shouldn't be something we need to do, but rather somthing we're excited to do because Jesus is our Life! Christ is in us, our hope of glory! Jesus transforms lives. This is exciting and we should allow Him to share through us His Life. I know this year, Jesus has showed Himself to me by how He has carried me through some dark times. But this time before Christmas compared to now really does seem like a drastic change between Life and death, darkness and life. But this time was so very important for me to understand both myself better and this made me see my complete dependancy of Jesus which is what we always need to be coming back to; Jesus! Life because of Jesus, how exciting! This is our Jehovah!

This year I've often had the question of what is the meaning of life? Or, why did God make me? But I don't even have to get hung up on these questions. The point is, Jesus made me and He is my Life! He is my Jehovah and He can be my capital L-O-R-D of my life. So why don't I rather realize that I'm here and He has given me Life to share with others. Praise Him!!

Jehovah Study Project: Part 2

2009-06-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

Psalm 16 v. 1-3 "Preserve me, O God, for I take reguge in You. I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; I have no good besides You.' As for the saints who are in the earth, They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight."

v. 10-11 "For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol; Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay. You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

This Psalm to me has been full of God revealing Himself as Life in many different ways. The very first verse David asks God to preserve his life and he asks God because God is the giver and sustainer of life because He is Life. In v. 2, David says to God that he has no good besides God. He has no good and he is no good apart from God. This is because God is Life and as we see in John 15:5, apart from God we can do nothing. Then in v. 3, David refers to the saints, which are us who believe in Him. And our God who is Life, we are His majestic ones and He delights in us because He is Life in us when we allow Him. It makes Him overjoyed when we allow Him to give us Life to the fullest (John 10:10). In v.4 it says that people who seek out other gods will have many sorrows and God will not take their names on His lips. I think this just solidifies that when we look to God, we can be satisfied because He gives us and is real, fulfilling life in us. So it makes sense that if we look anywhere else we will not find what we are looking for. This is becuase Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him (John 14:6).

In v. 6, David says his heritage is beautiful and because God is Life, He can make beautiful any situation. We know that David was chased by Saul, was in many battles, he killed his 10 000s and he was called a man after God's own heart. We see that in every way David was open to God, God was Life through him by all his victories.

In v. 7, it is God's Life that instructs David in the day and it says his mind instructs him by night. I imagine God being the life-giving fluid that is going through David's brain even at night. I remember a night this year that afterwards when I woke up, I just somehow felt like God made it make more sense why Jesus died for us. This was a really awesome feeling and it came at a time that I really needed to see God tangibly work in my life.

In v. 8-9, we see because God is life in us, we never need to be shaken and we are always secure and we can rejoice and be glad in this (Php. 4:11-13). In any and every circumstance, Christ is our life; the hope of glory (Col. 1:27).

I love v.10 when David says God does not abandon our souls to Sheol and we won't undergo decay. This so clearly shows His Life with that eternal quality in us; our souls are not in jeopardy. As 1 Thess. 5:9-10 says that whether we live or die physically, we are always alive in Jesus. 1 Cor. 15:22 says that we all die in Adam (our sinful nature and flesh) but we are made alive in Christ. 2 Cor. 5:4 talks about Jesus' life completely covering us; what is mortal will be swallowed up by His life.

And v. 11 is also great. God is Life and makes known the choices He wants for su. Because of who He is, in His presence is fullness of joy. He is life abundant and He's holding onto us. This verse really helps me a lot for thinking about the future and plans. He makes known the path of life and He lives in me. So I believe if I keep seeking Him and being completely open to Him, I don't have to worry because He will guide my decisions. And as we heard in Nehemiah classes this week; God puts ideas in our minds and hearts and He is perfectly able to affirm His plans for us in our hearts. Praise Jehovah!

My Final Study Project - Names of God - Jehovah: Part One

2009-06-18T19:29:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,
So at Capernwray this last year, from time to time we would do Study projects. This was when we were given a passage of scripture to read and ask God to show us what He wanted us to share with our home group. For the names of God study project, there were 4 names that different people in the home group got. Either Jehovah, Elohim, El Shaddai and Adonai. I got the name Jehovah. For the project we were also to find a story in the first 5 books, on from psalms and one from the gospels that shows God in that character to you. So here is how God showed Himself to me as my Jehovah: as my LIFE.

Genesis 39
v. 1-6 "Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an Egyptian officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the bodyguard, bought him from the Ishmaelites, who had taken him down there. The LORD was with Joeseph, so he became a succcessful man. And he was in the house of his master, the Egyptian. Now his master saw that the LORD was with him and how the LORD caused all that he did to prosper in his hand. So Joseph found favor in his sight and became his personal servant; and he made him overseer over his house, and all that he owned he put in his charge.
It came about that from the time he made him overseer in his house and over all that he owned, The LORD blessed the Egyptian's house on account of Joseph; thus the LORD's blessing was upong all that he owned, in the house and in the field. So he left everything he owned in Joseph's charge; and with him there he did not concern himself with anything except the food which he ate."

This chapter shows where Jospeph ends up after being sold by his brothers. Now if I had been sold, I'm pretty sure I would be kind of bitter, and it would take me quite a while to get over my hurt and move on. However, none of that hurt is even mentioned here. No bitterness or hurt are even talked of once. THis really stuck out to me as the first sign that God's life must be present here with Joseph.

What I think is so awesome then is that in my eyes it's almost like Joseph lost his life because He's in a whole new place. But in v. 2, it says "The LORD was with Joseph , so he became as successful man." I think the connector between those two ideas is so important. It doesn't say the LORD was with Joseph AND he became successful, it says SO. This means that the LORD's life in Joseph was thriving and so this made him successful. If it hadn't have been God's life in Joseph, things would have happened very differently.

God's Life and presence in Joseph was so evident outwardly also. Potipher, his master noticed by how everything that Joseph did prospered. It's just natural that people will usually have some things they do go well and other things not so well. But i says in v. 3 that ALL he did prospered. This would be very easily apparent.

Later on in theis chapter, Joseph is put in prison because God's life in him caused him to resist his master's wife. But he still got blamed for attacking her. But again, God appears clearly as his life because nothing is mentioned of him complaining. In v. 21 we see Joseph prospered even in prison by how God with him made the chief jailer favor him and have some freedom even in prison.

Some side principles I see in this account have to do with how we allow God to take complete control of our lives. One was at the beginning of the story when Joseph from what we know had just been sold into slavery and to me it seemed like he lost his life because he lost his life with his family. But God's life in Jospeh is apparent whereever he goes. And actually maybe by Joseph being aweay from "home", God's Life could be even more apparent. When we allow God to take control and allow Him to live in us, He is with us no matter where we go. As it says in Prov. 18:24, He is closer than a brother, especially Joseph's brothers. In Matt. 28:20, God tells us He is always with us, even to the end of the age. At all times He is perent in us.

Also, in Matt. 12:48-50, Jesus refers to His followers as His mother and brothers. So really, when God is Life in us, whoever He puts around us that are also following Him is our family. We should not let our earthly family be what we depend on for life, because Jesus is our life and the only true source of it. This is definitely something I've been learning this year. Before Christmas, I was pretty much feeling anxious, heavy hearted and gross asll the time and this was a chage for me, because at my house I was pretty much energetic and "happy" all the time. I really thought going home at Christmas would being be back to "normal". But I didn't find fulfillment there like I wanted to. I was only when I came back to Capernwray that Jesus started restoring and rebuilding me. I'm beginning to learn that He is my Life and to see that He is all I need because He, Himself IS Life. I think this is how Joseph opened himself and allowed God to live in his stead.

Another way that we can allow God to live in us and have control, is by not complaining but rather, giving thanks and trusting Him in all circumstances. Joseph never complained as far as we know and God prospered him. 1 Thess. 5:16-18 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." In Col. 3:23 we see that we are to do our work, whatever it may be, heartily and as unto the Lord.

To end this section Gen. 45:5 "Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve LIFE."

Idols; Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em

2009-05-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

So I have just recently finished going through the book of Judges once again. I love that book! What struck me though as I read it was how Israel were still holding on to idols even at this point of being in the Land. And these were idols that they carried around with them and I guess thought either God would be okay with that, or God wouldn't have to find out? I don't know what they were thinking. Because even at the end of the book of Joshua, Joshua tells them that they need to throw away those idols that they were carrying with them. They promised Joshua that they would be faithful to God and Joshua said that they should be careful what they promise. But they promise away that they will get rid of their idols and return to the Lord. However, as we see in Judges, they did not get rid of them and were still taking them along.

Its pretty easy for me to think, yikes those Israelites! How could they keep doing this to God? Why are they serving these other gods? What do they think these gods could even do for them? But God's been showing me lately that we can be serving a bunch of idols without even realizing it. Now this doesn't make it right, however, it just does naturally happen to us with our fleshy bodies and minds. Our society worships a lot of things that don't seem like a big deal maybe a lot of the time. We worship clothes and fashion, sex, rights and freedoms of everyone, tolerance, the environment, relationships, etc,etc. There is so much that our world worships without even realizing that that is what they are doing. Worship in Mirriam Websters means to regard with great or extravagant respect, honor or devotion. I would definitely say that they are many many things that our society is devoted to. Its so easy for people to worship fashion perhaps without even realizing it. Yes, they may know that they really like their clothes and shopping and such but when they become devoted to that, it can become an object of worship so easily.

God made us to worship. Why else would there be so many ways that people worship as well as so many religions and such. God made us this way so that we would worship Him and walk with Him and He would lead us. And its not just society and our world that has the problem. On this side of heaven, our flesh/sinful nature just loves to grasp onto things. Things that make us smile, things that make us feel important or significant, things that make us "fit in" and so on. But for how long do these things make us "feel" good? God made us to worship, but when we are worshipping other things or even ourselves by having everything being for us than we are missing out on the amazing way that He fulfills to the innermost part of us; the part that we are afraid to look at even if it is just us looking. See, but we can even make an idol out of the way we think God should be. If we have Him in a box which restricts what we will allow Him to do in our lives and things we will not allow Him to do, than this also can become an idol. Seriously, our flesh will worship anything.

I believe that this is why it is so important to ask God to search our hearts on a regular basis. As it says in Psalm 139, "Search me oh God and know my heart, try me and test my anxious thoughts, and see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way." God knows the way we are and when we ask Him for help, He is so faithful to lead us in His ways and to point out things that we need to lay aside because they are becoming too important to us. I want to start asking God to show me what needs to change so I can walk closer to You Jesus today. When we are wanting to hear Him and wanting to learn, I believe He is so faithful to teach and speak to us. We are His children and He can get the idols out of our lives and fill us to overflowing if we'd only stop thinking we can find it in other things.
Just some things I've been thinking about.

We're Backkkkkk...!!!!

2009-05-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

Why hello there friends whoever you are that are potentially reading this.

As some of you may know, I recently came back to the town of Winnipeg after being in BC on a very small island known as Thetis Island (by others it is known as Fetus Island. But what silly people are those anyways?). I was attending Capernwray Harbour Bible Centre. This was a pretty amazing and significant year for me for many reasons. Some of these reasons may come up in future posts so just you wait. Okay well one thing that is new is that I actually feel like there is more that I can say that actually isn't silly. Now don't get me wrong, I love using my sense of humour, I just am thinking right now about how that used to be all I really felt like I could write down in a blog. And don't worry, that will definitely still be part of my blog. I'm only saying that there will be more versatility to my blog as of now. So that is new and exciting and is a pretty sweet piece of evidence that God can do amazing things. Praise Him!

For now I will write out the lyrics to this song that I am really really loving the words to right now by Jennifer Knapp.

Usher Me Down - by Jennifer Knapp

alone, alone is where I'll be
waiting, waiting so patiently
escape this little war raging
one still small voice
come rescue me

why wait, why wait
why wait for You to usher me down
many o, many o, Lord, my God
the wonders that I have found
when You usher me down

sacrafice and offering
You do not desire of me
I say here I am, You come
as if I never had to call

why wait, why wait
why wait for You to usher me down
many o, many o, Lord, my God
the wonders that I have found
when you usher me down

who could replace You?
none I know of
the Throne is Yours alone
left to stand unshaken
can't be taken back
can't be taken back

why wait, why wait
why wait for You to usher me down
many o, many o, Lord, my God
the wonders that I have found
the wonders that I have found
when You usher me down.

I think this is an awesome song. Check it out on You Tube or something in my opinion.

What the Deuce?

2008-06-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

For those of you out there who have ever watched a game of tennis with me, I would think you would know of my love for the expression "What the deuce". If you don't watch tennis, then you may not see the hillariousness of this pun. I will quickly explain it in lamen's terms. A deuce can occur in tennis when the score in a game is 40-40 (oh know, at least I think that's what it is). So often when a deuce occurs in a tennis match (which is not rare), I will use this phrase.

Now no matter how much I enjoy this quote in the tennis context and no matter that I am watching tennis right now (Wimbledon), I do not want you to think that this is the only thing that I am connecting this phrase to. What I really felt like using this quote for today was to mark the end of my Grade 12 convocation this morning. Yes, morning. Thats all it lasted for. My high school is one of the largest schools of em all and the ceremony was a mere 2.5 hours long. I was so shocked that I felt like saying, "What the deuce?" It was just so strange. I was expecting to be bored. I was expecting to want to sleep and be tired throughout the whole thing. But you want to know what? Yes, I thought you would guess. I wasn't even bored except for right at the start during a few silly speeches.

Some of the reasons I enjoyed it so much were because of the Valedictorian speech and because I never knew it could be so fun to see people walk across that stage of success that I recognized. Oh my, our valedictorian had an amazing speech. At first, she was talking about how there was no speech that could sum up high school for all of our graduates because we were all so diverse. So she said, "why don't you just talk amongst yourselves for the remaining 5 minutes." I was scared that was actually what her speech was going to consist of. But then she went on to explain each of her attempts and what aspects they included but each time, she got caught up on the ending, so she would crumple up her paper and throw it in a different direction. It was so great! At the end she told us that we needed to write our own ending and it was just so interesting and not the typical valedictorian speech. I absolutely loved it. I thought it was awesome how everyone clapped for her too. It was awesome.

I am also saying "What the deuce?" that I graduated. I mean, high school is over. How can this be? I don't feel ready to be done and yet, I no longer have to go to that place ever again. I just don't understand. I really can't comprehend it at this time. Yet, I have walked across the stage, I have received my piece of paper that says I graduated, and I have all of the "tools" as they say, to go out and make something of myself. Still, I feel like I have not enough. I don't feel mature enough to move into this scary world we live in. It's too big, there's too much to be done, I feel so insignificant.

But I do know that things will carry on. I am praying to know what my role is and where I really fit into this puzzle of God's. And even though I'm scared and shocked about this big step I am making, I am confident that God will give me hints as to where I should go from here, because I know that we all have specific abilities that he gives us that no one else has. So eve though it's scary, it's also somehow a bit exciting too. I want to focus on that aspect.

Tinkliness in Your Stomach

2008-06-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Hello there my friends. Well, you (some more than others) may be completely furious that you could not find a blog post from me from yesterday, June 19th. So I will give you my reason which may not satisfy some of you. But "I'll take a whack at it" (bonus points for you if you know where thats from). The reason is that I felt a strange tinkliness in my stomach that made me feel majorly nauseous. This is my reason. Now I will say sorry and I ask you with a "pretty" in front of my please to forgive me. If someone's tinkliness in their stomach does not count as a good enough reason to not blog, than I am even more sorry. But what else can I really do? Na much.

So I hear that there are quite a few people of late who have had this same or very similar stomach experiences. My doctor told me just today to keep to "friendly foods". So I will try, but pizza does smell very good right now. He didn't list pizza on the friendly foods list... oh what a dilemma. Alright well I'm going to go off and figure out some friendly foods. Once again, I'm sorry, and I will try to make it up to my most avid fans.

The Silliness of Dread

2008-06-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

If you haven't experienced the feeling that people commonly refer to as "dread", than I wonder if you are a for real human being. Well, as it says in the title, this dread thing is super silly. Funny how that is exactly what I wanted to say about dread and that is what the title of this somehow turned out to be.

"Why is dread so silly?" this is a question that I'll bet a lot of you folks are wanting to phrase to me at this very moment. Well, I'm glad you asked that, because that is where I was going with this blog writing at this moment. Dread is so silly because you can spend a whack load (which is equivalent to x number of hours) just thinking about something that may or may not happen. And it always seems like in the end, you wish you hadn't have spent x number of hours dreading. In my opinion, dread is much if not exactly the same as worrying. One can let themselves get all down about their situation or a possible situation to come. They will worry and dread and just not look forward to something that is in the future. In my experience, these dreaded items or events either don't occur or they are so much better than I ever could have imagined. Later, I wonder to myself I wonder, "Why the heck did I spend x number of hours dreading that?" Perhaps these thoughts have come to you too? Oh come on admit it. I believe they come to all of us at one point or another. Some of us more than others.

I think of myself as an expert worrier. A Worry Wart or perhaps a Dreading Delilah? Something of the sort anyway. There have been so many times that I have worried or dreaded something to come. I am not proud of how many hours I have wasted thinking unpositive thoughts when I could be praying for a right attitude. I do believe that God wants us to seize each moment, and how can you make the most of each moment when you are down about something to come? I don't think you can.

I am thinking of this right now because tomorrow I am going to an outreach center and I have been there before. I never look forward to it and unfortunately, I am always happy for it to be over. However, every time when it is over, I am so glad that I went, because it was a good thing to do plus it was even fun. So why do I always still not look forward to it? Good question.

I heard once that when you worry, you aren't putting Jesus at your center. Yes, I think the act of not worrying/dreading is something that people have to work on, some people have to work harder than others. However, I think that if you are committed to praying and seeking God for help with your positive attitude, you can live for each moment and make far better use of your time. I am definitely trying to seek God for help with this silly business with dread, but it is something that I catch myself getting stuck in from time to time.

Also, I thought of something just now. If you are caught in the feeling of dread, you may be locked. So one might refer to you as a "Dread locked" person. Ha. That's funny right?

Did I mention I love Shakespeare?

2008-06-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that I love Shakespeare? I think so. Yes. Well tonight I went to go see "The Taming of the Shrew" at a fun little event called "Shakespeare in the Park" which is a very accurate and appropriate title for what it was. It is held at Assiniboine Park. It is really neat because you go to the Conservatory and pick up Lawn chairs and then you start off by some trees outside. That is where the first scene is set up. Then the next scene you go into the conservatory. Then you get an intermission and afterwards you go out to a tent scene in another wilderness setting and finally it ends off back in the conservatory. It was so much fun and I had many a laugh.

Something I find interesting is all of the fuss going on about this play. Apparently the idea of women submitting to their husbands is something that some are finding offensive. Yes, this play does have a lot of talk of women submitting. In fact, it ends off with the one woman who had been headstrong throughout the play, giving a speech about how women are meant to answer to their husbands every need. Don't get me wrong. I'm not arguing that women should or should not be the homemaker, chore doer or anything of the sort. I am only saying one simple thing; Had this play been written within the last 25 years, yes, I might possibly be a bit "put off" by the subject matter (although maybe not even then). However, this play was written long, long time ago. In Shakespeare's time for crying out loud. So for this reason alone, I don't think that anyone needs to be offended and think all these thoughts that it is bad for women's reputation or what not. Also, with all of the extreme statements that Shakespeare had Katherine (the headstrong submitter) say, I don't even think in his time that he was at all meaning this to be taken seriously about women. This play is a comedy and not a tragedy after all and should be taken as such in my opinion.

Well yes. That's my opinion you are very open to your own and if you want to give me a piece of your mind, go write on ahead a comment on this blog post. I think it is a very fun play to go watch and I didn't understand all of the Shakepearean lingo but it was still just so enjoyable.

Oh and by the way; sorry for writing in that gross blue yesterday. I regret that already.

My New Crush

2008-06-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

I bet that a good sum of you readers out there are laughing your heads off thinking of amazing ways that you can use this gossip of my newest love. Well for your sake I hope you do share this with everyone I ever talk to. Don't worry. I won't be hurt. Now you are probably thinking that it is not nearly as fun to share this since I am completely encouraging it. However, still do please.

Now I will bring forth my "secret". I say "secret" because how secretive can I really be if I am writing it down on my blog? Answer: Not very. So here goes, I absolutely adore Hamlet!! He is a thoroughly enjoyable read. I really miss discussing him in my English class (what? I do? I do!). I also miss writing up my Reading Response Logs and writing my extra scene. That was probably my favorite part of Hamlet this year. Oh how I miss him.

The reason I felt I needed to bring this forth is because on my very hilarious "About me" on your left hand side, I described myself as one who wasn't a Shakespeare fan per say. However, this year I realized that I am just not a Macbeth fan. Shakespeare in general I believe is something I very much enjoy. I especially enjoy theatrically reading it with a person who shares my passion for doing different voices. I really recommend that if you have never theatrically read a Shakespeare play with someone, you are definitely missing a crucial stepping stone in your life. Do it as soon as possible. Then tell me about it.

Hmmm... thinking of Hamlet now makes me smile. My favorite quote that exits Hamlet's lips is soon after Ophelia's death (sorry if I ruined that "surprise" in this tragedy). It is when Hamlet and Horatio are talking near Ophelia's funeral procession. Hamlet does not yet know that she has died. When he finds out, he comes out of hiding and Laertes accuses him of having a part in Ophelia's death. Hamlet yells at him with tears in his eyes (in the Branagh version) "I loved Ophelia. 40 000 brothers could not have loved her with my quantity of love!" Something like that anyway. It is at this point that we realize Hamlet does actually love Ophelia. I cried at this point in the movie representation. Why didn't Hamlet tell Ophelia of his true feelings? Why was he so cruel to her, telling her to get to a nunnery?? They were meant for each other and even though I do love him, I still would have liked them to end up together.

Another favorite part in Hamlet is when he is pretending to be mad. Polonius is talking to him and finally Polonius asks Hamlet if he may take his leave. Hamlet replies my saying, "There is nothing I would more rather part with." Hamlet made me laugh. He definitely was very clever and so very witty. What a guy.

In our English class, we discussed at the end different parts. One thing that I found very interesting was when we talked about how we got the description for Ophelia's "watery death". When we talked about it more, that is when I realized that a character must have been watching her so that this description could have come forth. The only person who is really at all linked to perhaps seeing her death is Horatio. This is because a scene or two earlier the queen asked him to follow her. However, if Horatio was watching her at this point, why didn't he try to save her? Because of all of her petticoats, it would have taken quite a while for her to sink. But Horatio is a nice, upstanding guy. I have full confidence that he wouldn't knowingly let Ophelia die. Therefore, I don't believe that Horatio was the one that brought forth the description. I believe it is a mystery.

Well I think I've shared the parts of Hamlet that I specifically enjoyed or found interesting. I hope you did too because I sort of started rambling while good memories came back. I'm very excited because tomorrow I am going to see "The Taming of the Shrew" at "Shakespeare in the Park". I will most likely blog about it afterwards. So if this Shakespeare stuff has bored you to tears you may want to stay away from this page for a while. However, if you have found my ramblings intriguing, I am very very glad and giddy.

So I hope you enjoyed hearing about my crush. I also hope you enjoyed that it was written in blue.

The Surprise of my Life!

2008-06-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

I am experiencing the surprise of my life at this very moment. Actually, all week I've been experiencing it. Do you know what this surprise is called? I didn't think so. I will tell you; it's named Graduation. Now you may be thinking to yourself; "wow, is this girl so stupid that she didn't expect to graduate?" or you might be thinking something like, "why is she so surprised. That's life! For goodness sake!" or you may even be thinking up some profane insult to throw my way for being so surprised. However, I have a feeling that some of you may understand this surprising and utterly strange feeling of confusion that this time in one's life can bring. So I thank those who think those thoughts.
Now I will proceed to trying to explain what is going on in my head. You see, ever since grade ten, I have felt "ready" to leave high school. I remember just waiting and waiting for this time. Yet, now that is has arrived, I suddenly feel unwilling to move on. I have come to love this imperfect place. It is ironic that it always happens at the end of a phase that we reflect on our experiences and feel thankful. It is only now that I see a fuller picture of my experiences. It is now that I learn that I love high school. I have been so blessed and I don't want to move on. Tres ironique.
God has amazing plans in store for us. I realize now that these three years in high school have been a big part of those amazing plans. He has an incredible way of making things so much better than you could hope for. I will give an example that at this time feels very significant. It is called "My Grade 12 English class". Here's a bit of background. I have always hated English class. Okay, hate is a strong word, yet I do feel that it is very close to my actual feelings. When I moved into my second semester, it contained English and I was extremely miserable at the thought of having to write and be marked on it and be with a class where I didn't really know anyone. However, I needed this course to graduate so being the smart girl that I am, I decided that I would just stay in the course no matter how much I dreaded it each day. To my utter amazement, even with this horrible attitude, I gradually started looking forward to english! Of all the crazy things. I would have always said that the day I enjoyed English, chickens would have teeth (that is a french saying that I learned this year and did not understand). But now I realize that not only did I enjoy this class, but I met so many new people and we grew so close in that English class setting. We had so many oppertunities to get to know each other and it never would have happened it I hadn't been in this class. It is grade 12 English class that I am missing already. That is shocking but true. I am so blessed that I could have those experiences.
So now I have come to realize that I am not ready but am being forced to leave this place I have surprisingly grown to enjoy. I have made so many great friends, some who are life long friends. I will miss this life free of me having to make decisions. However, just like God provided for me at this time, I know and am trusting that he has many more amazing things in store for me next year. So I am trying with all my heart to put all of my trust and worries on him and his amazing strength and knowledge.

Awkward Moments

2008-03-28T21:39:00.001-07:00

It has occurred to me recently, that awkward moments happen a lot more than they used to. Now I do not know if this is as a result of my own personal personality, or if this is as a result of the reality of life. Have you ever noticed that when two people are approaching each other in a hallway, and they make eye contact, it is very hard for awkwardness not to come out of that situation or la situation en francais. Especially if you are vaguely familiar with that person. Then you are left both knowing that you know the other but unaware if the other remembers you so you don't say anything, or you do and the other person completely ignores you. Sometimes it seems like just avoiding eye contact with people all together would be the best way to save yourself embarassment. However, I hate ignoring people and I like to look at those around me rather than pretend I don't see anyone. Perhaps it is because of this quality that I end up feeling painfully awkward so much of the time. Should I change my open eye habits though? I think not, therefore, I am proposing to myself that I just learn to accept awkward moments for a regularity in my life. Embrace the awkardity and learn to laugh at what other people will poke fun of me for in the future. Yes, this seems like a most excellent plan.

Grad Photos

2008-03-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

You have probably already guessed what my main focus will be in this tragically cut short post. Since you guessed it with flying colours, I will not even tell you what this is about. Because you are so smart, thats the reason. So don't be offended.

Today is Grad Photos, as well as all the other days have been for the past week. There are many different kinds of people. Well, two kinds actually. 1) Those who have prepared themselves and care what they look like. and 2) those who have not a care in the world how badly they look and who will see this picture. This makes for an interesting time for me as I am at a computer and can see the level of care put into each appearance as they walk up the library stairs. Yes, food for thought, i know.

Hi

2008-02-27T12:39:00.001-08:00

I hope you realize that by me writing this, I am officially posting my first post. Wicked wacked, I know. So I'll bet you are wondering in your mind, "Why is she introducing herself to us once again? Didn't this crazed, stupid, flauntulent, phalange girl already welcome us to her page in that other thinger she wrote titled, 'Hello Earth'". Well, first, I will ask you to stay away from that filthy mouth of yours. And second, I only wrote that because I didn't know how to actually post. So don't judge me.
And Welcome!